Too Much
Sometimes, things feel…..too much. Recently, I was talking with a loved one who was so overwhelmed with the state of the world that she had to take a day off of work, to “reconnect” with herself, to shake off the barrage of information that she was receiving from the news, and on media. Some recent events left her questioning her ability to discern the veracity of media. I mean, how do we even know what’s real anymore?
After speaking with her, I reflected on my own bandwidth. As I do use social media for posting content for my work, I (often regrettably) find myself ensnared in a digital landscape that feels desperate. Everyone trying to sell you something, to prove a point, to shame you for how you are doing things, or for what you believe, etc. It’s becoming increasingly clear that division sells, and it seems as though the powers that be may even be doing this purposefully. Dividing us, splitting us apart. It is as though corralling us into separate camps will allow them to continue to capture and direct our attention and our energy. Pardon my French, but it is fucking exhausting.
I am planning to pull back more from social media platforms. I encourage you (as I am encouraging myself!) to use discernment for what YOU need. Maybe it is a media break. Maybe it is going to bed earlier, or getting outside more. Maybe it’s moving your body more. Be aware that your needs may change daily, and practice tuning into your body so that you can make appropriate adjustments or adaptations as needed. Get into the habit of tuning into yourself and your needs multiple times a day.
On a slightly different note, and in keeping with the theme of the world feeling too much, for most of my life, I have felt that I am too much. This may be due to my empathic nature, the way my brain works, anxiety, trauma, or any combination of these. I have oscillated between wanting to express myself authentically, and pleasing/creating comfort for others—therefore at times prioritizing the needs of others above my own needs. I know that this is not uncommon today, for people to feel this tension, this complexity. Being a quirky, sensitive person who likes to hyper focus on topics (hellooooo neurodiversity/trauma/intuition connection), I have fumbled, overstepped, missed or hyper-fixated on social cues, and have been clumsy. I tend to take on a lot; I don’t shy away from risk. I also feel rejection so deeply—even if it’s subtle. This has also been exhausting. And I am learning how to embrace all of my parts, especially the parts that make mistakes and fumble.
And I wonder, for each of us, as we navigate the collective and deeply personal pain points, is this an opportunity for healing? As we finally see the underbelly of the world with its ugly and painful purging of deep wounds, perhaps our deepest and darkest parts are also emerging for us to look at, hold, finally express the repressed emotion through art, writing, somatic work, breath, movement. This is a practice.
I was dancing in my kitchen with my daughter while listening to the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill last night, and when “X Factor” came on, a wave of emotion hit, and I was bawling. This morning, I was in a yoga class and just had a flood of tears come through me. Without having an immediate resonance for the “why” in either situation, I chose to see them as a release, without a need to identify the root issue, but instead to be with the feeling and then to witness it leaving.
In case my presence on socials reduces, and you want to continue to be connected, I am continuing to plug into systems that are not connected to the obvious social media echo chambers. These include my own websites (the monthly blog posts, new weekly channeling that I’m offering, (both free) and the low cost Star Child platform). You can also subscribe to my newsletter, by scrolling to the bottom of my linked home page.
I’m sending you all peace, comfort, strength, and heaps of grace at this time.
